he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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