is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
