Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
they're like a gay fantastic four
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
