That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
