My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize