you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
