looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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