so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
