Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
