i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
