so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He? As in you personified your dick?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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