I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
