I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
