we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
