Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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