Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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