You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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