i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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