It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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