My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
