She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
