im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
