There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
