I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
