sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
