I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
