oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am one with the molecules
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
