Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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