i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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