if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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