so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
