My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
