The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
