He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
