Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
