I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
