so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
