So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
