We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
