I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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