glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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