i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
