I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
