My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
