When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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