Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
