K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
