I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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