I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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