there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
