I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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