My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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