I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think my moral compass just broke
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
