You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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