just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
