tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
