Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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