when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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