shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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